Jacques Chirac’s Maltese Strikes Again

Back when Jacques Chirac was President of France, his tiny Maltese, Sumo, had the run of the Presidential Elysée Palace. It was quite the life. But Sumo (named for one of Chirac’s favorite sports), wasn’t too happy when Chirac left office. He developed a nasty habit of biting the former President.

Apparently France has its own “three strike” rule, for after the third bite, just a month ago, a miniature nip of Chirac’s belly, Sumo was banished to the countryside.

Chirac’s wife, Bernadette, described the attack to the UK Guardian:

It was after dinner, I was reading and Sumo was lying on the floor. My husband came in and the dog jumped up very high in the air and bit him on the stomach. I was extremely frightened by all the blood. It’s awful, those little teeth. The dog was raging! He wanted to jump back up and bite him again.

Bernadette concluded that Sumo “couldn’t bare the departure from the Elysée.” She and the former President had tried everything – even anti-depressants – but Sumo just couldn’t adjust to post-palace life. He now resides in an undisclosed rural location (we’d like to think somewhere near Johnny Depp).

But today, the Times of London reports that Chirac has been ordered to stand trial on corruption charges over claims that he illegally used public money to fund his rise to power in the 1990s. Many allegations of “sleaze” have surfaced – some from undisclosed sources. We of course suspect Sumo, no doubt Tweeting away from his exile.